The Pacifica Papers, A Gravity Falls Story
by FrontierMan12
Summary: When pre-teen heroes Dipper and Mabel Pines make a surprise visit to Gravity Falls for the holidays, they make a chilling discovery: Pacifica now works at the Mystery Shack! With the mystery twins' help, Pacifica must decode the biggest cipher in Gravity Falls history while taking on brand new paranormal monsters that plan on stopping her. [Dipper x Pacifica... Kind of. You'll see]
1. The Abominable Snowfriend(Part 1 of 3)

The curving backroads of Oregon are hardly traversable in the darkness of the icy winter night, though a lone police officer attempts it. His bright headlights shine through the falling snowflakes as the man clumsily drives on the road, crossing over the yellow line with no regard for if anyone was coming or if anything was to jump out from the woods that hugged both sides of the road.

The police officer, inside his warm, Christmas-decorated car, nods his head to the Christmas music playing over his radio, singing along.

"Flakey the Snowman, he's only slightly creepy! Has a pleasant smile and a carrot nose, but has black, beady eyes that haunt your brain! Flakey-"

"H-Hey! Will you stop swerving?! This is dangerous!" The concerned criminal in the police car's backseat yells, interrupting the officer's singing.

The officer waves the criminal's comment off, "Listen, pal, I only get to celebrate Christmas once a year, and if slightly disturbing stop-motion holiday specials have taught me anything, it's that you should embrace your childlike wonder!"

"What does that have to do with bad driving?"

"'Cause kids can't drive!" The officer yells, "Look, no hands!" He lifts his hands off the wheel and starts driving with his knees. The criminal screams in terror as the police car swerves from side to side.

As the police officer continues his antics, the headlights reflect off of something glistening and white in the middle of the road. The officer notices it too, finally.

"OH SHOOT, A PERSON!" The officer yells as he tries to regain control of the wheel. He twists it every which way, hitting the brakes, spinning the car around in circles in his attempt to avoid the figure. The criminal is thrown into the backdoor as the car spins, the back of the car moments from swinging into the figure. The police tugs on the steering wheel as hard as he can.

Tire streaks cover the road as the backside of the car stops inches away from hitting whoever is on the road. The police officer steps out with a ridiculously-large flashlight and shines it on the culprit; A snowman with coal eyes and a carrot nose.

The officer gives a sigh of relief, "Phew! And here I thought it was a person. Imagine that, a cop hitting a person… Who would arrest me…"

The criminal in the back coughs loudly, trying to keep the officer focused.

"Right, right! Ok, well, let's see here, why is there a snowman sitting in the middle of the road? Not even snowing that hard. Well, gotta get past it somehow. PUSH!" The officer happily charges the snowman to push it down.

The snowman doesn't budge from its spot. The officer instead ends up falling to the asphalt, making the criminal watching grin.

"Oh, so you think you're better than me?!" The officer tries his hardest to shove the stable snowman down, punching its side, bending its skinny stick arms. No dice.

"Why don't we just go around it?" The criminal asks from behind the door window.

"WHAT, YOU THINK I CAN'T DO IT?! IS THAT IT?!" The officer yells furiously.

"Woah, woah," The criminal lifts his arms, "I sense a little bit of projecting going on here…"

The officer shrugs and stomps back into the driver's seat, "Fine, we'll try it your way, Mr. Know-It-All. Mr. I-Hate-Christmas. Mr. You're-Better-At-Me-At-Foosball!"

"Yep, definitely projecting."

"Shush, I'm focusing!" The officer backs the car up and straightens it out, the snowman sitting in front of them. Flipping into gear, the officer slowly rolls to the side of the snowman, causing half of the car to slide off the road to drive in the snowy grass by the wall of trees of the woods. The police officer eases by, keeping his eye on the snowman as if it were a bitter rival.

The criminal lays back in his seat and lets out a sigh. He turns to look out the side with the trees to see two huge, bright-red glowing eyes staring back at him. The criminal screams, causing the officer to hit the brakes.

"What is it now, son, I'm trying to- AAUUGGHH!" The officer watching in shock as the eyes move up in the air, revealing the massive size of the shadowy monster beside them. The monster swings its arm over the roof of the car and grabs hold of it, dragging it into the woods. Panicking, the police officer swings open the door and jumps out.

"HEY, DON'T LEAVE ME!" The criminal yells, trapped in the backseat, "WAIT, DON'T- AAAUUGGGHH!" The criminal, the monster, and the car disappear into the woods, the trees breaking and falling over as the monster walks backward through them.

Laying on the snow, the wide-eyed police officer stares into the black abyss the monster has created through the trees. He spins around and starts crawling away towards the road. He is stopped when something looms above him.

The snowman from the road has moved, standing above the police officer, looking down on him with its coal eyes. The police officer is too freaked out by it to notice the monster's hand reaching from the hole in the trees and grabbing his leg.

"No! NO! NOT ME!" The officer yells as the monster drags him into the woods, "WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAAAAAAASSSS!" The red-eyed monster and the officer disappear into the woods, his voice echoing. The snowman from the road watches.

* * *

**FRONTIER MAN PRESENTS:**

**THE PACIFICA PAPERS, A GRAVITY FALLS STORY**

**ENTRY 1**

**THE ABOMINABLE SNOWFRIEND**

**PART 1 OF 3**

* * *

The Speedy Beaver bus slowly drives down Oregon's roads, snow falling gently across the sky on a white morning. The inside of the bus is mostly full, but three bundled-up passengers stand out among the rest: A sweaty thirteen-year-old in a trapper hat, his twin wearing a sweater with a Christmas present sown on, and a pig.

"Dipper, I'm so excited!" Mabel grabs Dipper by the shoulder and starts shaking him violently, "We get to see everyone again, and no one even knows we're coming! I can't wait to sneak up behind people and scare them!"

"That's how you get pepper-sprayed, Mabel." Dipper points out.

"Don't worry, once they see that it's town sweetheart Mabel, they'll ease up on the pepper spray." Mabel grabs Waddles and hugs him tightly.

"You know, it's funny," Dipper says, "We were all so bummed out about having to wait until next summer to come back and visit, we didn't even consider that we could just visit Winter Break."

"Yeah, that was… weird of us to not realize," Mabel replies, "And now we get to play in the snow and throw LEGOs at carolers! Just like in Piedmont, except there are no long-term repercussions because we are only there for a couple of days! So, who are you most excited about seeing again?"

"Oh, I don't know, Soos, Wendy-"

"That guy who only says 'Hey, how ya' doin'?' in the most Boston-iest accent ever!" Mabel cheers.

"I don't remember a person like that."

"You wouldn't, he's usually in the ladies' section of the mall looking for hair gel and smelly perfume."

"Well, we only have a couple of days here before we have to leave Christmas Ever back to Piedmont, we have to make every second count." Dipper declares.

"Yeah, even though… We won't be able to see everyone." Mabel solemnly says.

"Oh, right… Grunkle Stan and Ford…"

Dipper and Mabel, in preparation for their surprise visit to Gravity Falls, asked their mother to call Grunkle Stan to see what they are up to for the holidays; you know, to gather secret intel, like how the F.B.I. does. Turns out, however, Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford aren't going to make it back to Oregon in time for Christmas because they are dealing with an anomaly caused by Weirdmageddon from earlier this year. The twins were not in the best mood when they heard this.

"Well, hey," Dipper tries to look on the bright side, "We'll see them next summer. For now, let's focus on the rest of Gravity Falls. Speaking of which, we should get there in ample time-"

The bus comes to a quick stop, slinging the twins and Waddles forward into the back of the seat in front of them. "Wha?" Dipper makes a noise of questioning, "Why did we stop in the middle of the road?"

Dipper and Mabel try their best to see what is in front of the bus through their window. They see a line of three cars sitting in front of them with four police cars investigating an area up the road, their blue and red lights blinking.

"Woah, what happened up there?" Mabel asks, "Did someone die? Or maybe it's one of those viral videos where the cops are helping ducklings cross the road. I swear if I'm missing the ducklings-"

"Mabel." Dipper stops her. The car line slowly moves forward as the police wave them past the incident. Dipper and Mabel look closely at what the commotion is about: A huge hole in the middle of the woods, like something went straight through the trees. An empty totaled police car sits at the end of a tow truck, being pulled out of the ruined brush. "A policeman must've flown off the road and into the woods."

"Dang, look at all that damage. Poor guy." Mabel remarks. The bus drives away. At the last second, Dipper notices something strange, something he hadn't noticed due to the tow truck blocking his view from it; A snowman stood by the hole, staring into it.

* * *

Soon, Dipper and Mabel spot a familiar sign on the side of the road: 'Welcome to Gravity Falls. Nothing to see here folks!' The twins gasp and look at each other, smiling.

"We're here!" Mabel enthusiastically says, "Do you think we can use Soos's body as a sled in the snow?!"

"What if we run into a herd of reindeer? What if they can fly? What energy source powers their lit-up noses?" Dipper says.

"Forget reindeer, imagine this… Pack. Of. Arctic. Foxes." Mabel throws her hands in the air as if to say, "WADDUP."

"Winter in Gravity Falls is going to be great!" Dipper cheers.

"BRING ON THE SNOW!" Mabel yells way too loudly.

As the bus approaches Gravity Falls, however, the snow begins to fade. It stops falling from the sky and the grass turns green. "Wait," Mabel looks out the window, "Whaaaaat?"

They reach the bus-stop in the middle of Gravity Falls, a town that looks exactly like how it did during the summer, even though it is the complete opposite season. Dipper grabs his bags and Mabel grabs Waddles. They step off the bus.

Waiting at the bus-stop is an old man with slick, black hair and a gold chain around his neck. "Oh!" Mabel's confusion is replaced with surprise, "Hello!"

"Hey, how ya' doin'?" The man says in the most Boston-iest accent ever as he gets on the bus. Mabel smiles at Dipper.

Dipper stops the man, "Wait, can you tell us why there's no snow here? It was snowing all the way over."

"Oh, it hasn't snowed at all this winter. Not once. That's actually why I'm leaving. To remind me what snow is like. How it looks. How it feels. On my skin. Now, get out of here!" The bus door closes and the man disappears with the bus.

Mabel and Dipper look at each other, confused, "No snow?" Mabel asks.

The twins, now carrying their large coats for the winter over their shoulders, walk through the warm temperature, non-snowing town of Gravity Falls towards the Mystery Shack, waving and saying, "Hello" to the townsfolk that recognizes them. Bodacious T offers to give the two 'rad tattoos,' though the only equipment he has is a sitting stool and a dried out sharpie.

They eventually arrive at the entrance of the Shack, knowing the way there like the back of their weirdly small hands. A large Christmas tree sits outside the entrance, though it's fake; it's a broken telephone pole with a lot of chopped cabbage taped to it. "So, Dipper," Mabel turns to him, "How should we break in?"

"... Through the front door, like normal people?" Dipper answers.

"No! I mean, this is a surprise, we have to make a surprise entrance! Ooh, what if we come down through the chimney like Santa Claus?"

"Soos has a fear of Santa Claus, Mabel. Remember the 'Christmas in July' incident at the mall?"

"Poor kids, traumatized for life by what Soos did to Santa."

"I think I was traumatized too." A cold chill goes up Dipper's back.

"Alright, fine, we'll go in through the front door, but I get to yell really loud when we do."

"Agreed." Dipper and Mabel walk up the porch stairs and to the front door of the Shack.

Mabel kicks open the door, causing it to fly off its hinges, scaring Dipper to death behind her, "NOBODY MOVE!" Mabel yells, "THIS IS A ROBBERY! HAND OVER ALL YOUR RING POPS AND CHRISTMAS ROM-COM CDS OR THE PIG GOES WILD!" Mabel picks up Waddles and holds him in a threatening way.

"AH! BURGLARS!" Soos who, in his black suit and fez, was polishing the Mermaid-Monkey fish tank, jumps up in the air and lands on the tank, knocking it over and spilling it everywhere. Soos quickly gets back on his feet and grabs a broomstick and holds it like a jousting sword, charging the twins. "YOU CAN TAKE THE RING POPS OVER MY DEAD BODY, DUDES!"

"Soos, Soos, it's us!" Dipper jumps in front of Mabel to block him, though Mabel was ready to throw down. Once he realizes who it is, Soos puts on the brakes and looks at the twins in awe.

"Dipper?! Mabel?! What are you two doing here, dawg?!" Soos drops the broomstick and gives the two a big ol' hug, squeezing them. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Surprise- AUGH!" Dipper tries to talk, or even breath, through Soos's tight grip on them, "We're stopping by for a couple- AUGH! of days- AAHH! TAP OUT! UNCLE! UNCLE!"

Soos lets go as the other workers of the shack, Wendy and Melody, walk over to greet the twins.

"Hey! 'Sup you two?" Wendy lowers herself to match their height, "You still wearing my hat? You haven't flaked out on me, right?"

"Nope!" Dipper adjusts his trapper hat, "It's itchy and it makes everything sound muffled, but I'm still wearing it."

"And I still got yours." Wendy tips the brim of her blue-and-white pine tree hat before nudging Dipper in the shoulder.

"So," Melody talks to Mabel, wearing a brown hat and a green T-shirt with an oozing question mark on it, "How's school coming along?"

"It's going great!" Mabel replies, "I'm higher on the class list than Dipper. It's not easy being the smart twin, you know?"

"Mabel, the only classes you took this semester were art classes and beginner band. You haven't started any of the hard ones yet." Dipper corrects.

"Yeah, sure, but can you honk a tuba like I can?!" Mabel proceeds to stomp around and go, "BUM. BUM. BUM," like she's playing the tuba.

"So, will you two be here for Christmas, bros?" Soos asks.

"No, sorry, we'll be leaving Christmas Eve for home." Dipper answers.

"Then, the Mystery Shack celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve! SCREW PRE-ESTABLISHED HOLIDAY TRADITIONS! MELODY, READY THE TINSEL!" Soos points to her with his cane. She nods and heroically runs off.

"What's the deal with no snow though? I wanted to ski down the old mayor's face on the mountain." Mabel asks Soos and Wendy.

Wendy looks out the window at the sunny day, "I don't know. Every town in Oregon is in knee-deep snow except for ours. It stinks."

"Do you dudes think it's because of… The 'never mind all that' from summer?" Soos chooses his words carefully.

Dipper tilts his head at him, "... Oh, you mean Weirdma-"

Soos slaps Dipper's mouth, "'NEVER MIND ALL THAT,' DUDE! I don't want to end up in jail on Christmas for saying it!"

Dipper swipes Soos's hand away, "Grunkle Stan and Ford are hunting down all the anomalies from… 'never mind all that,' so if this is caused by that, then they would've shown up by now. Probably."

"Let's blame global warming and call it a day." Wendy declares.

Everyone nods in agreement.

"Man," Dipper looks around the group, "With no snow and you two here, it feels just like how it did in the summer. It's like we never left. And the Shack looks the same too. Has nothing actually changed-"

Just then, Dipper is interrupted by a familiar, but unexpected voice coming from the tour room, "Mr. Ramirez, I need more glue and corn, this Cornicorn is not happening." Pacifica, wearing a hot-pink shirt with an oozing question mark on it, steps out of the room, her hands covered in glue and small pieces of corn.

Dipper and Mabel both gasps and yell, "PACIFICA?!" at the same time. Pacifica, wide-eyed, stares at the two. She then slowly starts backing up into the tour room until she is out of sight.

"... Mr. Ramirez, corn!" the twins hear the sound of clapping coming from Pacifica's direction.

* * *

Pacifica stands beside Soos, Wendy, and Melody as Dipper and Mabel look at her, confused, "Hey you two, merry Christmas or whatever." Pacifica apathetically says.

"Pacifica, why are you- merry Christmas to you too- why are you here?" Dipper asks.

Soos speaks up, "Oh! Because she- wait, you wanna tell them?" He looks at Pacifica who doesn't respond, "... Ok, you tell them… No, wait, I'll tell them-"

"Mr. Ramirez." Pacifica interrupts his rambling and then redirects her attention to the Pines twins, "What he's trying to say is that I work here now."

"Wait, really?" Dipper asks, surprised.

"Yeah, really. My parents forced me to, kind of." Pacifica tries to explain.

"Let me guess," Dipper says, "They wanted you to get some fresh air?"

"Excuse me?" Pacifica smirks, "No, they wanted me to become a wealthy entrepreneur and make millions by the end of the year."

"... Huh?" Dipper was not expecting that.

Pacifica recalls her family's traditions, "Whenever a Northwest hits thirteen, they're sent off to go start their own business and become a millionaire to better the family's reputation. On my birthday earlier this September-"

"Your birthday was in September?!" Mabel stops her story, "Oh shoot, happy late birthday, Pacifica!"

"Happy birthday!" Dipper also says.

"Thank you, now shush!" Pacifica shushes them, "On my birthday, instead of a party, Mom and Dad kicked me out to-"

"YOU DIDN'T HAVE A PARTY?!" Mabel yells, concerned.

"MABEL, I HAVE GLUE AND CORN, DON'T MAKE ME USE IT!" Pacifica threatens, "LIKE I WAS SAYING before I got INTERRUPTED, they kicked me out to start my own business, but the problem was that I didn't have any money. Usually, the parents give the kid tons of money to start with, but since Dad put all of his cash into that freaky triangle's weirdness bonds, we didn't have much money left. So, they gave none to me, hogged it all for themselves, and now I'm working here in this barn until I have enough money to make it on my own."

"But why work at the Mystery Shack? I would never think in a million years that you would choose to work here voluntarily." Dipper asks.

"He's the only one that would break child labor laws and hire me." Pacifica points at Soos.

"I pay her. She fits in small crawl spaces. I see it as a win-win scenario." Soos explains.

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Mabel bounces up and down like an excited rabbit, "My frenemy works here! This will be like one of those movies where bitter rivals learn about friendship and working together through various montages!"

"Don't get too used to it," Pacifica places a hand on Mabel's head, stopping her bouncing, "As soon as I make the money I need, I'm leaving this nasty hobo lodge and never coming back, so enjoy being around me while you still can. Now, I'll be in my room."

Pacifica starts to walk away until Dipper stops her, "Hold up, room? You live here too?"

"When I said my parents kicked me out, I mean they really kicked me out."

"Well, in that case," Mabel grabs Pacifica's hand and starts running away, "Come on, Pacifica! We got a birthday to celebrate!"

"Oh no, oh no, SOMEONE HELP-" Pacifica yells fade away.

"This is so weird. Living with Pacifica?" Dipper says.

"She's honestly not that bad, dawg," Soos tells Dipper, "She helped me pick out a new, shiny suit. Check it!"

Soos shows Dipper the sleeve of his suit, which Dipper notices look very high-priced. "I don't know what dead animal I'm wearing," Soos says, "but it's making me look _gooooood!_"

"Yeah, Pacifica is funny too, though she takes forever in the bathroom." Melody explains, "If you need to go pee, go before her hairspray and beauty products cover the walls. No way of getting in once she gets it."

"And apparently I'm the first Corduroy her family has ever worked with in over 100 years. I thought that was kind of neat." Wendy says, "I don't know who the last was, I don't keep up with all that ancient family biz like she does."

"You'll forget she's even here in no time," Melody says, "Now: I. Got. Tinsel."

* * *

The sun rises for the next morning of Gravity Falls as Dipper, Mabel, and Waddles sleep in the attic like in the summer. Dipper's eyes slowly open as he wakes up. He rubs them and gets out of bed, heading out of the room. Mabel continues to sleep, her and Waddles snoring the exact same sound.

Dipper walks down the stairs and to the bathroom. He turns the knob only for it to be locked. "What?" Dipper says to himself. He puts his ear to the door where he hears the sink running. He knocks on the door, "Hello? Who's in there?"

"Dipper?" Pacifica says, her voice muffled behind the door.

"Pacifica? You're an early bird too?" Dipper asks.

"I have to be, I take three hours to get ready."

Dipper rolls his eyes, "Three hours? I thought we've been over the whole 'looks' thing. Remember Mr. What's-His-Face?"

"Just because I covered myself in garbage for a photoshoot one day doesn't mean I want to be covered in garbage every day. I still want to look decent sometimes."

"Well, can I come in and brush my teeth?"

"What? Ew, no, stay out."

"What are you doing?"

"Putting on makeup, dork." Pacifica says.

"... Are you naked?"

"EXCUSE ME?! First off, don't ever ask me that again, and second, what MANIAC puts on their makeup naked?"

"Ok, well, if you're not naked, then let me in."

"WHA- NO! What kind of a backroad hillbilly thinking is that?! This is MY time!" Pacifica yells at Dipper.

"Ughh, fine, I'll use a stick and mud to brush my teeth instead." Dipper toys, "You're gonna have to deal with disgusting Dipper all day!"

Dipper starts to walk away before Pacifica opens the door, though not stepping out, "Wait, are you serious?"

"No, I was about to go eat a Chunko Bar and watch T.V. Did you really think I was serious?"

"I don't know what you freaks do in the woods, I'm learning!"

"Well, can I come in now?"

"... Make it quick," Pacifica shrugs.

Dipper walks in to see Pacifica in her pajamas looking in the mirror and putting makeup on. The entire bathroom has been transformed into what looks like the backstage of a movie set; her outfit hangs on the wall, beauty supplies sit on every ledge they can, and the room stinks of hairspray. Melody was definitely right.

Dipper tip-toes around to try and avoid the eyeshadow products placed organized on the floor of the bathroom until he's beside Pacifica by the sink. He starts brushing his teeth as Pacifica works on her cheeks, the two in silence. Dipper glances at Pacifica in the mirror.

"Don't look at me." Pacifica commands. Dipper straightens his eyes back up. Pacifica mumbles under her breath where Dipper cannot hear, "Not yet."

Out of nowhere, a third person flies into the bathroom screaming. Mabel grabs Pacifica and Dipper, startling them. "GUYS! GUYS! GUESS WHAT?!"

Dipper tries to say something, but the toothpaste in his mouth gargles it up so all he says is, "**_BLARGH HULARGH?!_**"

"LOOK OUT THE WINDOW!" Mabel drags the two over to the bathroom window. Tiny white snowflakes fall from the sky. "IT'S SNOWING!"

Dipper accidentally swallows the toothpaste, "Snowing?! Heck yeah- AAAUGH THAT TASTE SO BAD, OH NO."

The twins rush out of the room and to the front door where Soos and Melody are already outside. "IT'S SNOWING MY DUDES!" Soos yells enthusiastically.

Mabel, who is followed by Waddles, runs outs to meet up with two, "Soos, prepare to be a sled!"

Dipper is about to join them but then stops himself. He calls out, "Hey, Pacifica, you coming?"

Pacifica hesitantly answers from the bathroom, "Uh, no, I'm not ready yet."

"You can do your makeup later. Come on, it's snowing!" Dipper yells back.

"No! Just… I'll be out there in a minute!"

Dipper nods and runs out cheering. He joins the group playing in the fallen snow. It only now started, so the snow has not started sticking to the grass yet, but that does not Mabel from making snow angels.

Pacifica steps out of the bathroom and looks back and forth down the ends of the empty hallway, her makeup only half done. She gives a sigh of relief before closing the bathroom door and continuing her morning.

* * *

Later that day at around noon, the four have long gotten back into the shack, now sitting in the living room and watching Christmas specials on T.V. like the classic 'Randall the Red-Eared Reindeer: Watch me get Bullied for 2 Hours!' Wendy has arrived for work, though there seems to be none for today, so she has joined them.

Dipper and Mabel sit in the middle of the floor with handfuls of wrapped candy laying around them on the floor to snack on. Mabel picks up Waddles and wraps him in a blanket, "Doo doo doo, pig in a blanket, doo doo doo, now he looks like a burrito."

Pacifica walks from her room to the living room to be greeted by everyone. She looks like her normal self as she goes up to the wall beside Soos's recliner and leans on it.

Dipper scoots backward until his back touches the wall beside Pacifica. "Hey, you never came outside earlier." He whispers.

"Huh? Oh, I got held up with, you know… watering the... orchids."

"That lie only works at your old house." Dipper tells her.

"I know, I realized that halfway in and couldn't back out. This place could use some orchids though, just saying." Pacifica slides down the wall and sits beside Dipper.

"Well, now do you want to go play in the snow?"

"Play in it? I thought you all were just looking at it." Pacifica questions.

"What? No, we were playing in it… You have played in the snow before, right?"

"Oh, sure, I do Christmas parades all the time and go on fancy carriage rides-"

"No," Dipper interrupts, "I mean, 'play' play in the snow."

"... I'm not following." Pacifica admits.

Dipper grabs a piece of candy and flings it at Mabel. She spikes up and spins around. She then starts crawling over to the two. Waddles follows by rolling over burrito-style.

"What's up?" Mabel whispers, "What are you two doing here in the back by yourselves? Telling each other your deepest, darkest secrets? Ooh, I have one-"

"No, Mabel, listen. We have a code 6-18 on our hands." Dipper says to Mabel.

"A 6-18? Who?" Mabel's face goes serious. Dipper points at Pacifica, prompting Mabel to begin freaking out.

"Wait, what's this about, you two have secret codes?" Pacifica asks.

"During last semester, Mabel and I got bored so we 55-92 a 1-14 so we can 5-5." Dipper explains, "Ready, Mabel?"

"38!" Mabel cheers.

"Ugh, you two are the weirdest." Pacifica tells them. Blanket Waddles rolls over to the group until he is stopped by Pacifica's foot. "... I think your pig is broken."

* * *

The twins drag Pacifica out into the snow, all three wearing coats and gloves. The snow has started sticking but not that much, just a thin layer over the surface of the grass. "Have you ever built a snowman before?" Dipper asks Pacifica.

"A snowman? Is this like some Frankenstein-thing from that nerd book?" Pacifica jokes.

"A snowman is a friend you build from the snow. You give it a name, face, and then watch it slowly melt and die over the next two months! Magical, right?" Mabel explains.

"And you're gonna help us make one." Dipper says.

"The biggest one! THE BIGGEST SNOWMAN IN THE UNIVERSE!" Mabel yells.

"... This sounds above my pay grade." Pacifica tells them.

"Just roll up a ball of snow and meet back here." Dipper explains.

"I call the big booty ball!" Mabel raises her hand.

"I call the belly ball. You make the tiny face ball, Pacifica." Dipper says, "Ok, break!"

Dipper and Mabel run off in opposite directions. Pacifica lets out a big, "Ugghh…" and goes in the other direction. Mabel grabs a handle of snow and dirt and starts rolling. Dipper does the same, though he starts realizing there is not that much snow on the ground to roll up yet. Pacifica stands by the shack and slowly picks up pieces of snow from the ground and rolls them in a ball with her glove.

After a couple of minutes of laboring work, Mabel's 'booty ball' base of the snowman has picked up more dirt than snow, to the point where there's not that much snow on it. That does not stop her though. She finds a good stopping point and yells, "Everyone, group up!"

Dipper rushes over, faster than Pacifica's walk, and places the 'belly ball' on top of Mabels. His has retained more snow than hers, but it's still filled with leaves and small sticks. Pacifica shows up last and gently places a clump of snow she meticulously picked out on top of Dippers. The snowman barely reaches a foot high, and it is leaning slightly to the right with grass sticking out of it everywhere. They all stare at it for a moment.

"Wait, we forgot the most important part." Mabel uses her finger to draw a smiley face on the snowman's head. Mabel smiles at it as Dipper and Pacifica look at it in awe.

"... Wow, that's pathetic." Dipper says suddenly. Pacifica bursts out laughing, obviously thinking the same thing. Dipper and Mabel join her.

"We made a dirtman!" Pacifica giggles.

"Dirtman! Dirtman!" Mabel chants.

Dipper speaks up, "We'll have to wait for the snow to really start falling before we can make a real snowman."

"I don't know," Pacifica smirks, "I don't think we could ever top Dirtman."

The foot-tall Dirtman stares at the sky with its drawn-on smile.

"Do we have any magical hats to bring him to life?" Mabel asks.

"Here, we'll use this one." Pacifica knocks Dipper's trapper hat off his head and into her palms. She then places it on top of Dirtman's head. The three wait for him to come to life.

"... He's thinking about it." Mabel tells them.

"If this is what playing in the snow is like, then let's go find something better to do." Pacifica turns to the door, "Come on, hat hair."

Dipper feels his hair, realizing the trapper hat has sculpted the top of it into a funny shape. He shakes his hair around and follows Mabel and Pacifica inside.

* * *

The three go and watch more T.V. before their afternoon is halted by Soos telling Pacifica to go do all the chores of the Mystery Shack. Dipper and Mabel watch throughout the day as Pacifica cleans the floors, works on new attractions, and stocks the gift shop. The twins offer their help at different points, but Pacifica denies it, earning her work.

That night, in an attempt to help Pacifica relax after a hard day, Mabel convinces her to join the twins for board game night. Pacifica reluctantly agrees and the three of them sit on the attic floor, Pacifica looking out of place in her usual outfit while the twins wear their pajamas, playing the board game 'Surgery: This Man Ate a Wrench, Now Pull it Out.' They have all have since started taking it way too seriously.

"Doctor, doctor, we're losing him!" Dipper says in a worried voice, "He swallowed a butterfly and it's stuck in his small intestine!"

"Don't worry, I got this. I have multiple PhDs in being medically amazing and super rich." Doctor Pacifica Northwest tells the two. She inches the pliers further and further into the man's stomach, trying not to touch the edges. Dipper and Mabel watch in fear as Pacifica begins to sweat.

She has a hold on the butterfly and slowly starts picking it up when: "ZZZT! AHHH!" Pacifica hits the side of the stomach and the board game man yells in pain.

"DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!" Pacifica yells at him before flipping the game over in rage.

"Doctor, I'm afraid we lost him." Mabel says mournfully in a low, masculine voice, "His family told me to give you this if he died."

Mabel hands Pacifica an envelope, which confuses her. "... Wait, is this still the doctor bit? Who gives the doctor a letter-"

"Just open it." Mabel interrupts.

Pacifica rips the envelope open to find a birthday card. The front is a pug laying back on a chair making a huge double chin. Beside it, the card reads, "Hey, pretty thang! You must be sweaty because…" Pacifica opens up the letter, "You lookin' straight FIRE on your birthday! Happy birthday, dawg!"

"This is from the gift shop." Pacifica says, "I stocked this exact card a couple of days ago."

"We only had last night to come up with something, don't judge?" Mabel points out, "Did you read what we wrote?"

Pacifica notices the other side of the card has their messages written on it, one in blue pen and one in crayon.

* * *

**_'WOWIE! ZOWIE! KABLABLOWIE!_**** That's the noise confetti shooters make! I hope this makes up for the late birthday gift! Have a ****_spec-tastic-awesome-tacular_**** day!'**

**\- Mabel! (And Waddles!)**

'Happy late birthday Pacifica. I'm happy we cleared everything up this past summer. I hope you're able to get out of here as fast as you can so you can go start that million-dollar business of yours. But, until then, I'm glad you're here.'

\- Dipper

* * *

Pacifica looks at the two messages with a smile, her eyes shaking slightly. She feels her emotions acting up on her and straightens herself up with a deep breath stop them. "Phew, wow, guys, this… This means a lot, actually." Pacifica tries to keep up her old persona, "But, hey, look at that, you dorks didn't put any money in this. What kind of birthday card doesn't have any money?"

"Flip it over to the back." Dipper instructs her. Pacifica flips to the back of the card to find a ten-dollar-bill taped to it.

"There, our contribution to your future business! Now we're shareholders! I think that's how it works." Mabel cheers.

Pacifica stares at the money. She starts rubbing her watery eyes, trying to keep it down. "... Thank you."

"Aww, Pacifica!" Mabel goes in for a hug. Pacifica suddenly hisses at her.

"NOPE. NO HUGS." Pacifica yells, backing away from Mabel who is still trying to go for the hug, "I DON'T HUG PEOPLE. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I HUGGED SOMEONE. NEVER!" Mabel backs off last second and just laughs at her. Pacifica relaxes.

"Also," Pacifica changes the subject, "I think I broke your game."

The three look over at the surgery game, laying face down. A muffled "AAAAUUGHH, THE PAIN!" is heard.

"I'll fix it." Mabel says as she slides away over to the board game to put all the pieces back in.

Dipper playfully leans over towards Pacifica, "So, you don't hug people, huh?"

Pacifica starts blushing pure red, "YOU- FRICK- I- NO- BUT- YES… AUUGHH!" Pacifica punches Dipper in the shoulder, who laughs at her. But then she starts punching harder, and then harder.

"Ow, ow! Pacifica! PACIFICA!" Dipper is now laying on the floor as Pacifica slaps his arm repeatedly in rage.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Mabel watches from afar.

"MABEL HELP!"

"AAAAUUUUGGHH!" Pacifica wails on him.

* * *

Outside the attic window in the darkness of the night, unknown to the kids, the snow has begun to pick up. Dirtman sits idly by with Dipper's trapper hat, starting to be covered under the onslaught of the sudden blizzard.

Large footsteps make its way towards Dirtman until a shadowy figure looms above the helpless snowman. Bright red eyes look down at the foot tall mound of dirt. The monster begins to gently brush unwanted snow off of Dirtman, inspecting it. The monster turns and reaches behind it until it pulls something out of the snow: Two tiny sticks.

The monster carefully pokes the sticks into Dirtman's sides, giving it arms. It then straightens up Dirtman's hat before leaving. Right as the monster is about to go back into the woods, it turns around and looks at the brightly lit attic window of the Mystery Shack.


	2. The Abominable Snowfriend(Part 2 of 3)

**THE ABOMINABLE SNOWFRIEND**

**PART 2 OF 3**

* * *

The next morning, Dipper wakes up to a strange sight outside the attic window: The dirt and gravel surrounding the Mystery Shack are now solid white with a knee-deep snow cover filling up the woods overnight, almost like magic. Dipper shakes Mabel up and shows her to the window, her expression turning into one of a kid on Christmas day. The twins run down the stairs expecting to see everyone outside playing in the snow, only to find Pacifica sweeping snow out of the entrance back outside from where she opened the door and snow fell in.

"Pacifica? I thought you'd be in the bathroom at this hour putting, I don't know, powder on your face or whatever you do in there." Dipper says, walking down the stairs.

Pacifica, who's already in her full uniform and makeup- a lot more makeup than usual actually- flips her hair over and looks at the two, "Yeah, well, I got up earlier today. What about it?"

"Well, if the bathroom is open, I CALL IT!" Mabel rushes to the bathroom and slams the door.

"Dang it, I was about to call it- Ugh!" Dipper walks over to Pacifica, who is holding the broomstick, "Wow, it snowed hard last night, huh?"

"Yeah, it's so annoying," Pacifica remarks, "Now I'm trying to get this sky dandruff out of the doorway before Mr. Ramirez gets up. Working for that raise to start my life a little faster."

Dipper has multiple responses to that, "... Three things: One, you can just call him Soos."

"Mr. Ramirez is my boss, not my friend." Pacifica shoots back, "What kind of name is 'Soos' anyway? Isn't that the guy who wrote those trippy kid books?"

"It's 'Jesus' shortened to 'Soos.'"

"... Oh my God, you're right." Pacifica's face looks like she's decoded the biggest secret of Gravity Falls.

"Two, I never knew you could be so hardworking... It's really cool." Dipper compliments her.

Pacifica freezes up, "Uh, well, It's no big deal actually. All I'm doing is sweeping snow right now."

"And that's the third thing," Dipper goes behind the register and picks up a shovel, "You're working hard the wrong way. Why are you sweeping snow when you could just shovel it?" Dipper goes up to the pile sitting on the welcome mat and picks it up with the shovel. In a quick toss, he clears up the majority of the entrance.

Pacifica looks annoyed, either at him or herself, as Dipper laughs and swings the shovel onto his shoulder. The front half of the shovel falls off and hits the ground behind him.

"What?!" Dipper looks back to see the broken shovel, "OH NO!"

Pacifica gives Dipper and smug look, "Oh, look, Dippy broke his little shovel. I'm just gonna keep on sweeping with my perfectly working broomstick now, buh-bye!"

"Dippy?!" Dipper yells at her.

Mabel walks back in from the bathroom, "You guys won't believe what I found behind the-" Mabel gasps, "SIR SHOVELOT! HE'S BEEN MURDERED!"

Soos bursts into the room, barely dressed, "SIR SHOVELOT?!"

* * *

Soos attempts to tape the shovel back together, trying to fix it. Soos holds it up, the roll of duct tape looking strong as ever. "Fixed it!" The three kids smile. The shovel then immediately falls apart into tinier and tinier pieces. They all watch it fall to the floor, slack-jawed.

"How?!" Dipper asks.

"Sir Shovelot has been around since I got here." Soos explains, "He was apparently used by Mr. Pines for loads of stuff, some stuff he wouldn't tell me about for legal reasons. Sir Shovelt must've been so old, that he just crumpled out of existence, dude."

"Today is a dark, dark day." Mabel remarks.

"Yes. To remember Sir Shovelot, I will bury him in the backyard. Now, where's the…" Soos realizes the immediate problem, "... Actually, I'll just toss him in the trash."

"I would like to say that this was Dipper's fault." Pacifica says.

"She was trying to sweep 2-feet-tall snow with a broomstick." Dipper calls her out.

"And I was doing great at it!"

"Listen, bro and broettes, if the snow keeps falling this hard," Soos tells them, "We'll need a shovel to make a path out of here. If we don't, we could all be stranded, and you dudes won't make it home for Christmas!"

"Oh no, my 82 cheap, knick knack gifts!" Mabel puts her hands on her head.

"Oh no, my 3 really expensive gifts!" Dipper yells also.

"Oh no, my family's Christmas feast! I'm supposed to carve the roast beast!" Pacifica then says.

"Aye, I like the Dr. Suess reference." Mabel says to Pacifica.

Pacifica corrects her, "'Dr. Jesus,' you mean."

"... Wha-"

"Ok, Dipper, bro, I'm placing you in charge of getting a new shovel from town." Soos explains, "You'll have to walk because the golf cart and my truck are covered in snow and probably dead by now… I'll fix them later."

"I won't let you down, Soos!" Dipper salutes him.

"Now, wait," Melody marches in, "Soos, you can't let a thirteen-year-old go off into the woods on his own!"

"Hmm, I guess you're right…" Soos thinks, "Mabel, go with him! Two thirteen-year-olds will do the trick!"

"I'm ready for a shovel adventure!" Mabel cheers.

Mabel crosses her arms. Soos starts sweating, trying to figure out what to do.

"Can I invite Candy and Grenda too?" Mabel asks.

"Yes! Yes! More kids, the better!" Soos nods. "Let's see, more kids, more kids… Oh, uh, uh, uh, Pacifica! Go too!"

"What?" Pacifica asks.

"I'll give you a raise. Just need more kids, come on!" Soos offers.

"A raise?" Pacifica's eyes light up. She nods, determined. "I'm in."

"Let's go!" Mabel says and she and Dipper run upstairs to get properly dressed. Melody rolls her eyes and before walking away. Soos wipes off the sweat, going 'Phew.'

Pacifica is about to get dressed too when Soos stops her, "Make sure those two don't accidentally run into any paranormal junk on the way. They tend to do that when they're here."

"Understood." Pacifica tells him.

"Also, here, takes this," Soos hands a confused Pacifica a baseball bat, "in case you see a piñata."

"Uh… thanks… Soos?" Pacifica cringes at saying her boss's name.

"... Yes. I'm Soos. Yep." Soos is confused about why Pacifica looks so uneasy about saying his name. It's awkward. Pacifica runs off to her room. "... I am Soos." Soos nods to himself.

* * *

Dipper and Mabel both exit Mystery Shack and start the trail up to town, Mabel bundled up immensely while Dipper wears a normal coat and gloves. Pacifica comes flying out holding an overly large coat in her hands and stops them.

"Woah! What do you think you're doing?!" Pacifica yells at Dipper.

"Wait, what? Nothing- What did I do?"

"You're really just going to wear that thin coat out in this snow? You'll get sick. Here." Pacifica swiftly takes Dipper's coat off and replaces it with the huge one. She fixes up the front of his coat for him, pulling on both sides and zipping him up to his neck. He now matches Mabel, who is watching the interaction carefully.

Pacifica pats Dipper's collarbone and smiles, "There, better."

Dipper nods, "Thanks- Woah, feathers!" Dipper feels feathers around the coat's top, "What bird are these from?"

Pacifica shrugs, "I don't know, just name a fancy bird and that's probably the answer."

"Bald Eagle." Mabel blurts out.

"That's what we're going with then." Pacifica states. She then squints at Dipper, "Wait… Oh, you know what else you forgot?"

Pacifica runs over to Dirtman and snatches Dipper's trapper hat back and flings it on his head. "A big cap for that big head. Now, let's get a move on." Pacifica says. She starts to walk away.

Mabel turns to Dipper with a smug look, "What?" Dipper asks.

Mabel grabs Dipper by the coat and starts talking in a funny voice, "Ooo, Dippy, I got you this coat made out of Bald Eagles, Eeeeeeuuugghhh," She grabs the ear covers of his hat, "You're so purtty and I'm totally not hiding my feelings behind my stone-cold heart, EEEEEUUUGGGGHHH!"

Dipper swipes Mabel away, "I don't know what you're talking about, Sis. Also, where the heck did this 'Dippy' thing start?!"

Pacifica yells from across the trail, "Hurry your slow butts up already!"

* * *

Once the kids get to town and met up with Candy and Grenda, the group splits into a team of three and two by command of Mabel: Dipper and Pacifica go to Owl Trowel and Mabel, Candy, and Grenda go to Shovels and Shoves. Why there are two stores in Gravity Falls made entirely for shovels on the opposite sides of the town is beyond me.

Dipper and Pacifica begin arguing with the Owl Trowel worker.

"Do you have any shovels that aren't specifically for owls?" Pacifica is getting more frustrated by the second.

"NO, MA'AM, ONLY OWL-RELATED SHOVELS AND TROWELS." The strange worker yells.

"Can't we just buy a shovel?" Dipper asks.

The worker blocks the kids from touch their merchandise, "WE DON'T SELL OUR SHOVELS OR TROWELS TO ANYONE WHO WILL USE IT FOR NON-OWL SITUATIONS. THAT'S THE OATH."

"Ugh, come on, Dipper." Pacifica takes Dipper by the hand, "Let's go do our shovel shopping ELSEWHERE. It looks like these folks don't want to buy from a member of Gravity Fall's WEALTHIEST FAMILY, the NORTHWESTS."

"OH, DON'T EVEN TRY THAT ON US, LITTLE GIRL. WE KNOW YOU GOT KICKED OUT AT THIRTEEN. PRAY YOUR LITTLE BUSINESS CAN EVEN HOLD A CANDLE TO THE POWER OF OWL TROWEL." The worker yells.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!" Pacifica roars at the worker.

Pacifica tenses up, crushing Dipper's hand, "Pacifica! PACIFICA!"

* * *

Dipper and Pacifica walk away from that part of town empty-handed, "Bad news, we're now forever banned from Owl Trowel," Dipper lists off, "Good news, I've never bought anything from that store and probably never would have. Other bad news, I think you broke a part of my hand."

"I said I was sorry." Pacifica tells him.

Dipper holds his hand in an attempt to ease the pain, "Let's go find Mabel and her friends. Hopefully they had more luck than we did."

The two walk down a snowy path by the Gravity Falls river, which has frozen over. Dipper spots something by the riverside, "Hey, check it out, Pacifica. Now, that's a snowman!"

A lone, generic snowman sits idly, a fishing rod protruding out of its stomach and into the frozen river. The snowman seems really well made, professional. "It's fishing?" Pacifica points out.

"That's a fun decoration." Dipper leads Pacifica to a bench by the river and snowman to take a seat, "One time, Mabel and I built a snowman that was breakdancing. By the end, it just looked like a snowman that fell over and died, but our vision was in the right place."

"Cute." Pacifica says to Dipper, a word she rarely ever uses except on herself. Dipper lays back on the bench, enjoying the nice, winter day as Pacifica fidgets with her long hair. "Sooooooo, Dipper, have you noticed anything… different about me? Just curious."

"... Uh oh, this is one of those things where I look dumb for not noticing the obvious, isn't it?" Dipper worryingly says.

"You'll probably look dumb either way, that's just in your nature."

"Fair." Dipper playfully replies. He is not affected by her constant onslaught of insults anymore, they usually fly right past him now. "Let's see… Your hair?"

"Nope, that's about the same."

Dipper looks harder, "... Your hands!"

"What, how can I change my hands?" Pacifica questions.

"I'm trying, ok?" Dipper thinks way too hard. He then has it; big brain time, "Oh, I know! If I list off everything, I'll get it right eventually!"

"Huh? No, it's-"

Dipper starts listing her face, "Hair! Forehead! Eyebrows! Eyelids! Eyes! Nose! Ears! LIPS-"

"STOP! UGH! It's not just one thing, you twerp! You- whatever, forget it! Annoying little…UGGHH!"

Dipper laughs as Pacifica turns red. The fisherman snowman by the lake listens to their chat.

* * *

Dipper and Pacifica meet up with Mabel, Candy, and Grenda halfway from both shovel stores. Mabel carries a heavy-duty shovel with the price tag still on and a big grin on her face at the sight of Dipper and Pacifica.

"Woah! You got one!" Dipper congratulates.

"Yep!" Mabel holds the shovel in the air like a trophy, "His name is Sir Shovelot the Sequel! He's Sir Shovelot's father, so he's really a prequel, but don't tell anyone, that's a secret."

"We also bought shoves! HUAGH!" Grenda shoves Dipper. "That was 12.99!" Dipper doesn't lose his balance but starts sliding away on the ice.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Dipper is about to fall over when Mabel holds out Sir Shovelot the Sequel. Dipper grabs onto it and balances himself.

"SHOVEL SAVE!" Mabel cheers.

"Great, now let's get back to the Mystery Shack before boss's girlfriend thinks we're all dead or something." Pacifica playfully flicks Dipper on the hat and starts walking away.

Dipper is about to walk with her when Mabel and Candy pull him towards their group. "We also bought _suspicions._" Candy whispers creepily.

"How much of the Mystery Shack's money did you guys spend?" Dipper asks.

"357 dollars, but that's not what we meant." Mabel pulls Dipper in closer, "We think snow isn't the only thing falling for you this winter."

"Ok, Mabel," The girls let go of their grip on his arms. "Every time I spend any small amount of time with a person who happens to be a girl, you go crazy and think we're already hitched. You did it all this past semester."

"What? No, I didn't." Mabel argues.

"Brianna Cauliflower. Carol Twinkleson. Agafia?"

"Oh yeah, that Russian exchange student. You two would've been so cute together!" Mabel gushes.

"We were partners on a group project, I couldn't even understand her!" Dipper corrects.

"I'm just looking out for you, Dipper. You hardly understand anything about women to judge them romantically in the first place, so I'm doing it for you!"

"Hey, I- No, wait, you're exactly right about that." Dipper agrees.

"You're my brother, and I'm sitting in your corner silently judging every girl that comes into your life just to make sure they're good enough for you. I mean, they're gonna end up being my sister-in-law, so it's a big deal for me too." Mabel explains.

"And, I don't know when it started, but you and Pacifica." Mabel does that Italian-finger kissing thing, "It's-a gettin'-a spicy!"

"Look, I'm just hanging out with Pacifica, that's all it is, nothing more. Don't get the wrong idea, Mabel."

"What wrong idea?" Pacifica appears out of nowhere.

Dipper jumps back in shock, "AUGH!" He slips on the ice and falls over. "... Shovel."

Mabel holds out the shovel out, "Shovel save."

Dipper pulls himself up. "Nice job, butterfeet." Pacifica jokes, "Now, how come every time I turn to walk away, you guys don't follow and start talking behind my back? My birthday is over, there shouldn't be any more surprises… There are no more surprises, right? Right?"

* * *

"SLEEPOVER!"

"OH NO. **NONONONONONO-**"

Dipper fearfully runs out of the attic as Candy and Grenda bust out magazines with 20-year-old hottie boys and endless amounts of tiny hairpins that will lead to finding missing hairpins throughout the house years from now. He gets down to the living room where Soos sits in the recliner watching some anime show 'Josepi's Wacky Ventures.'

"Soos, is there anywhere else I can sleep tonight other than my room?"

"What's wrong with your room, dude?" Soos asks.

"Mabel's having a sleepover. She did this earlier this summer, remember? That day with the carpet and you turning into a pig and getting married or whatever?"

"Oh yeah," Soos leans in, "Don't tell Melody about that, I have no idea how that whole marriage situation ended."

"... Are you still married-"

"**WELL,** lemme think, hmmm… Melody and I sleep in Stan's room."

"On that old, nasty, one person bed Grunkle Stan always drooled on?" Dipper asks.

"Oh, no, we got a new, bigger one. Mr. Pines's old bed is in Pacifica's room now, where the carpet was."

"WAIT, WHAT?!" Pacifica stumbles into the living room from outside while knocking snow off the bottom of her boots, "I'M SLEEPING ON THAT OLD, UGLY MAN'S BED?!"

Pacifica holds Sir Shovelot the Sequel in a threatening way towards Soos, "No, no, no: USE to be that old, ugly man's bed." Soos corrects.

She lowers the shovel, "... I think I'm gonna vomit."

"Hey, if you do it on the bed, the stain will blend in." Soos tries to joke.

"AAUUGHH!" Pacifica screams in disgust. She takes her gloves off and opens the furnace where a flame glows brightly. She holds her hands up to it to warm herself.

"Ok, Soos, but where do I go?" Dipper asks, bringing Soos back on topic.

Soos thinks hard for a moment, "Why not sleep in Pacifica's room?"

"WHAT?" Pacifica yells.

"WHAT?" Dipper yells.

"WHAT?" Soos yells, "WHAT… What's the problem here?"

"I'm not bunking with a BOY," Pacifica slams the furnace door shut and puts her foot down, "Especially not THAT boy."

"I don't see anything wrong with it." Soos says, "He's slept in the same room as his sister for an entire summer."

"Actually, when we got home, Dad turned my room into storage for all of his garden gnomes, so I had to share a room with Mabel even after summer," Dipper explains.

"See?!" Soos points to Dipper for justification.

"Garden gnomes?" Pacifica questions.

"Yeah, kind of ironic considering what happened earlier this summer, but it sucked because Mabel AND Waddles both kick in their sleep."

"And, Pacifica," Soos continues, "That room is big and spacious anyway, you'll forget he's even there."

"But, but, Mr. Ramirez- Soos!"

Soos pulls out a wooden gavel from out of nowhere and smacks the small table beside his recliner, "I have spoken! I bought a gavel to help make my choices look final!"

Pacifica and Dipper both cringe, Pacifica cringing even more.

* * *

The two go into Pacifica's room; Grunkle Ford's old living space before he got stuck between dimensions thirty years ago.

"You know, we don't have to make it weird. It's only for a night." Dipper tells her.

"No! I'm gonna make this SO WEIRD! This is the worst night ever! I spent my whole life having my own room, I don't know what the heck to do with you!" Pacifica paces back and forth.

"You never had a sleepover?"

"Dad said if anyone asked to come sleepover, they were either secret burglars trying to steal my stuff or 10-year-old Russian spies." Pacifica explains, "... He's still on the Cold War thing."

"Look, I'll just sleep on the couch in silence, I won't bother you and you won't bother me, ok?" Dipper explains.

"But, Dipper, it's not about the noise, it's about the **PRESENCE!**" Pacifica tries to tell Dipper, "It's the principle that we are both sleeping in the same. _Room._"

"Do you wanna go sleep upstairs instead?" Dipper asks.

The two listen as Mabel, Candy, and Grenda dance to terrible trendy boy band music through the ceiling. "... Ok, yeah, you're right, this is better." Pacifica agrees.

Pacifica heads for the bed, "Well, you lay on the couch and keep still, I'm off to…" Pacifica remembers what she learned about the bed, "... Actually, I'll take the couch, you can have that nasty… Oh, the couch looks so uncomfortable and BAD! UGH!"

Pacifica runs over to the bed and collapses on top of it, "Tough choice, huh?" Dipper jokes.

"Shut up." Pacifica solemnly says, muffled in the mattress, "I'm going to sleep. Good night."

Dipper sits on the couch, "Are you not going to change into your pajamas? Take your makeup off? I thought that's what you're supposed to do."

"I don't want to. I don't feel like it." Pacifica pulls the covers up to her shoulders, still face down.

"... Are you supposed to take it off?"

"... Yeah..."

"Then go take it off. Pacifica..." Dipper tells her.

Pacifica sighs and silently says, "... Fine. Turn off all of the lights, though."

Dipper, slightly confused, does so for her. Dipper swings a blanket over him as he lays on the couch. Pacifica lazily slides off the bed and pulls out a baby wipe and wipes her face off, looking into a small mirror as she does. Pacifica then sets an alarm clock, gets changed into her pajamas, and hops into bed.

The two lay on opposite sides of the dark room, both with their eyes closed.

…

…

…

"Are you asleep yet?" Pacifica asks.

"No, are you?" Dipper jokingly asks back.

"This is the absolute worst, and I have to get up early tomorrow."

"We have to try and make it work."

"... Bore me!" Pacifica orders.

"What?"

"Back in the summer, you bored me with your books. Do it again so I'll fall asleep."

"I don't have the journals anymore."

"Wait, what? You carried that thing everywhere, what happened to it?" Pacifica says, sounding legitimately concerned.

"Bill burned it when he captured Ford back during Weirdma-"

"'Never mind all that.'" Pacifica corrects.

"You too?!"

"Hey, I'm not getting arrested, I got a future ahead of me."

The two sit in a moment of silence.

...

...

"Hey, Pacifica?" Dipper speaks up again.

"I WAS ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP."

"Oh, shoot! My bad. Were you really?"

"No, I'm kidding. What's up?"

"... What kind of business do you want to start once you get out of the Mystery Shack?"

A silence falls between them again.

"... Pacifica-"

"I don't know."

"What?"

"I don't know what I want to do, ok? I haven't decided. I told Mom "hairstyling" because that's the first thing that came to my head. I don't even like touching hair that isn't mine! I don't want to be a stupid barber! Now, Mom has me signed up for thirteen classes on it once I get a salon started."

"Well, then, tell your parents you don't want to be a barber. Simple as that."

"If I do, then what do I say instead?! I need to have something planned out! I can't think of anything I want to do for my future, and I had thirteen LONG years to figure it out."

"Trust me, Pacifica, it takes people way longer than that to figure out what they want to do for the rest of their life."

"... Do you know what you want to do?"

"Oh, uh… Well, I first want to major in photography and communication studies, and then I start my own paranormal-hunting show on T.V. Except it's real and not phony like all the ones nowadays." Dipper explains.

"... Yeah, that suits you."

Dipper smirks, "In a good way or a bad way?"

"Good."

The two go silent.

...

...

Dipper speaks up, "You'll figure out what you want to do eventually. Don't let your parents rush you into some job you don't want to do. And if they try to, you hit me up and I'll have a chat with them myself. I'll be right there with you."

Silence falls again.

...

...

"... You asleep?" Dipper asks.

"Yeah." Pacifica answers.

"Ok, just checking. Good night."

"Good night."

...

...

The two fall silent one last time. They both doze off.

* * *

Meanwhile, The storm outside gets worse and worse, the snow picking up way too much. In the living room where Soos is still watching television, the power suddenly goes out, turning the T.V. off. "Ah, dude, come on! I sit through four episodes of talking and as soon as they're about to throw a punch!" Soos mashes the remote's various buttons. Eventually, the power does come back on, along with the anime. "Yes… Oh no, I missed the fight! Now I have to wait for six more episodes with a filler arc! NOOO!"

In Pacifica's room, unknown to either of the two, the power outage turns off her alarm clock. It blinks '12:00' throughout the night.

* * *

The sun shines through the window above the couch the next morning, waking up Dipper. He gets up, his back aching from the weird curves of the couch. Wherever Ford got the couch from, whether a keepsake from a far-off adventure or from the furniture store down in town, one thing was certain: It was super uncomfortable.

Dipper stands up, the whole room now illuminated by the sunlight. He glances over to Pacifica in the bed; her bedsheets are all over the place, and she has one of her pillows on top of her head. She must sleep like a wild animal.

Dipper remembers Pacifica telling him that she needed to wake up early. He begins to wonder why she was not already up, but he got his answer when he checked her alarm clock. The clock blinks '12:00,' meaning that the power most likely went out the last night from the storms. Dipper decides to wake Pacifica up.

"Pacifica. Pacifica. Your alarm didn't go off this morning. Pacifica." Dipper pokes her shoulder but then starts shaking it. Pacifica lets out a groggy moan, "Pacifica, come on, you'll be late for whatever you needed to do."

Dipper takes the pillow off of Pacifica's face. He takes a big step back and a huge double-take, "... WHAT?"

Pacifica looks completely different. She has small stress wrinkles near her eyelash-less eyes with bags under them. The most jarring discovery, right beside her chapped lips, is a huge, strange, faded line going from the bottom of her chin up to her cheek. It looks like a scar.

"Wooooaaaah, what's that about?" Dipper looks at the scar closer.

Pacifica's eyes slowly open, but go wide-eyed when she sees Dipper close to her face. "HEY, **WOAH!**" Pacifica sits up immediately and scoots away from Dipper, "What do you think you're doing?! Were you trying to pull some Sleeping Beauty junk?!"

Dipper blushes, "WAIT, NO! I-I... I was looking at the mark on your face, I promise!"

"Mark on my face, what are you…" Pacifica feels her cheek, and then around her whole face, "... Oh no. No. No. NO! NO! NO!" Pacifica jumps out of the bed and shoves Dipper out of the way, "**NONONONONO-**"

"Pacifica, what's wrong?" Dipper asks as Pacifica sprints out of the room. He follows close behind her.

"I SAID," Pacifica yells, "DON'T. LOOK. AT. **ME!**" Pacifica runs into the hallway bathroom and slams the door in Dipper's face, locking it behind her. Dipper stands outside, panicking.

"Pacifica, I'm sorry, I don't know what I did!" Dipper yells through the door.

Mabel rushes down the stairs, "I heard Dipper whining, what's wrong?"

"It's Pacifica." Dipper points to the bathroom door.

"Pacifica? What's wrong? What did this dumb-dumb do now?" Mabel playfully says through the door.

"**YOU STAY OUT OF THIS, MABEL!**" Pacifica's roars come crystal clear through the locked door, causing Mabel to stumble back.

"Golly, what did you do, Dipper?" Mabel asks.

"I don't know! I saw that the alarm clock didn't go off, so I woke her up and she freaked out on me!" Dipper quickly explains.

"... She didn't have her makeup on, did she?"

"Is that a problem?!" Dipper asks Mabel.

Mabel stares off in the distance like she's having a war flashback, "Oh no. What have you done?"

"YEAH, WHAT HAVE I DONE, MABEL?!" Dipper yells.

Mabel goes up to the bathroom door, "Whatever Dipper saw, Pacifica, we all know that's not the real you and still think you're super duper pretty. Remember the pug?! You lookin' straight FIRE, dawg!"

Pacifica goes silent in the bathroom, though the twins hear sniffing from the other side of the door. "Dipper, say something." Mabel commands.

Dipper steps up to the plate and puts his face up to the door, "Uh, Pacifica… You without makeup… It didn't look... bad-"

Pacifica swings the bathroom door open hard, knocking Dipper down to the floor, hitting him square in the nose. Pacifica is blood red, anger swelling over her. She has on some winter clothes that were already hanging in the bathroom and some rushed, choppy makeup that's already starting to run down her eyes.

"SHUT UP! **STOP LOOKING AT ME!**" Pacifica bolts down the hallway towards the exit of the Shack.

"Pacifica, wait!" Mabel runs after her, Dipper laid out on the ground in pain.

Pacifica runs over to the front door and swings it open to make her escape. An avalanche of snow falls on top of her, so high up there's only a small opening at the top of the doorway not covered by the snow.

Pacifica crawls out of the snow, angrier than ever, and starts running up the snow to get through the small opening. Mabel, still in her pajamas, tries to catch her but is too late as Pacifica rolls under the top of the doorway to outside.

"No!" Mabel tries to climb the snow, but can't in her socks and bare hands.

Dipper, holding his probably broken nose, runs over to Mabel. He looks at the mountain of snow in front of them, worried, "Oh no, Pacifica…"


	3. The Abominable Snowfriend(Part 3 of 3)

**THE ABOMINABLE SNOWFRIEND**

**PART 3 OF 3**

* * *

Dipper and Mabel wake up the rest of the Mystery Shack and start searching for where Pacifica ran off to. "She wouldn't run back to her parents, they're too far away." Dipper reasons with the group, "She has to be somewhere inside Gravity Falls, so search everywhere you'd think she'd go to."

Mabel steps in, "So no low-quality grocery stores, homeless shelters, or that terrible, nerdy bookshop by the porta-potties."

"Hey, I like that bookshop." Dipper says.

"Don't… Don't admit that." Mabel tells him.

"Ok, break!" They all split up into three teams: Dipper and Soos, Mabel and Melody, and Candy and Grenda, and go in opposite directions from each other in the search for Pacifica.

* * *

Candy and Grenda run across the town, looking for anyone who could have seen her. The town looks almost deserted, no one in sight. "Where is everybody?" Candy asks Grenda.

"I don't know, maybe they all stayed inside and watched 'How the Grunch Ruined Christmas for Literally Everyone?' That's what I was gonna do." Grenda replies, running.

Grenda is suddenly knocked to the ground when she runs into someone. She gets up, "Ah, finally, a person who has a stronger build than me! Wait, wha…"

It's a snowman sitting on the sidewalk. "False alarm, it's just a snowfriend." Candy says.

"Yeah, but, how did I not knock it over?" Grenda asks. She taps the snowman's head and then starts pushing it. There is no budge.

* * *

Meanwhile, Melody and Mabel, who is holding Sir Shovelot the Sequel for backup, stroll through the back part of town, unable to find anyone either. "Both of her parents are brunettes. There's no way that blonde hair is real," Mabel rants to Melody.

"You know, didn't think about it until now, but yeah, you're right." Melody replies. The two run past five snowmen standing by the sidewalks and stores.

* * *

Near the frozen river, Dipper tries to find answers through Soos, "I didn't know it was illegal to look at a girl without her makeup on!"

"I mean, not for every single chick, like Melody for example," Soos says.

"Or Mabel."

"But, for some chicks, yeah, dude, seeing what they really look like is totally off-limits. And Pacifica is definitely one of those chicks."

"Ugh, she'll probably hate me forever now, like how she did back in the summer." Dipper says, saddened by the thought.

"All women are a mystery, Dipper. You will never understand them all." Soos says, "But, you can try really, really hard to understand just one, ya' know what I mean?"

"... I think so? Man, Soos, you've gotten better at telling life lessons ever since you got the Mystery Shack." Dipper compliments.

"I swear, it's the fez, it curses whoever wears it to accidentally spout Disney-level morals accidentally on a day-to-day basis." Soos points to his hat. "Here, try it."

Soos and Dipper switch hats. Dipper puts on the fez. "Eat carrots. Be a strong, independent woman. Invest in a 401k?"

"That's good, that's good." Soos nods.

After switching back hats, Dipper and Soos arrive at the section of the river where Dipper and Pacifica sat on the bench near the fisherman snowman. "Oh, that's a fun decoration!" Soos says happily, looking at the snowman.

Dipper scans the area for Pacifica when he notices something odd. "Wait, what's that doing there?"

He walks towards the bench where a snowman is sitting down, its carrot nose looking at the ground. "Yo, how did they build that?" Soos asks. "It looks really good!"

"This wasn't here yesterday because this is where Pacifica and I sat." Dipper thinks, "We played a game where she tried to get me to say she was pretty."

"Did you?"

"No, I played dumb to mess with her. But, I noticed it immediately because she had on way more makeup than usual and… Oh. I'm so stupid."

"There you go." Soos tells him.

"Well, anyway, this snowman wasn't here yesterday and it would've been too hard to work on it last night because of the storm."

"Unless they were, like, an extreme snowman maker." Soos throws in.

"Unless…" Dipper steps closer towards the snowman. He feels the three different balls of snow; they're all completely solid, no way of moving or changing them. "This snowman is rock solid, it's as if something is on the inside holding it together…"

Dipper hops onto the bench and starts tugging at the snowman's carrot nose until it pops off. Dipper looks inside the hole.

"... P-Pacifica?!" Dipper's voice cracks.

A passed out Pacifica lays still, compacted into the snowman, unable to move. "OH NO! Pacifica! Hold on, we're gonna get you out! Quick, Soos, HELP!" Dipper waves Soos over as they start trying to claw the snow off of her. Dipper reaches in through the carrot hole and realizes the snow inside is not as tough on the outside. He starts scraping snow out of the small carrot hole as fast as he can, "Don't worry, Pacifica, I got you!"

Soos is still attempting to break the outer shell of the snowman when he looks in the distance to see a small, black bowler hat lying on the snowy ground. The ground under the hat begins to rise. "Uh, dude, the snow behind you is, like, having a baby." Dipper turns to follow where Soos is pointing.

Two red, glowing eyes appear from the snow under the hat as the mound grows taller and wider by the second. "Soos, can you lift Pacifica up?!" Dipper asks.

Soos attempts to, but the snowman does not move an inch, "Nah, dawg, it's like she's glued down to the bench!"

The mound sprouts huge arms on both of its sides as the bottom begins to form into two legs. A crooked smile forms below the red eyes. The monster grabs a carrot and puts it in the middle of its face.

"... Can you carry the bench?"

The monster glares at Dipper's hat, "**I FOUND YOU!**"

The huge, terrifying snowman in the bowler hat roars into the sky, causing a cloud to morph out of thin air above them. A blizzard spits out from the cloud, blocking Soos and Dipper's view of their surroundings. The only thing the two are able to see is the monster's red eyes that start charging them like a crazed bull.

"RUN, RUN, RUN!" Dipper yells.

* * *

Dipper and Soos, who's now holding the entire bench over his head, run away as fast as they can as the huge snowman kicks up snow chasing them. As the snowman runs, it rolls up a huge snowball in front of it. It picks it up over its head and chucks it at the two as hard as it can.

"DUDE, LOOK OUT!" Soos pushes Dipper out of the way and jumps to the side as the snowball lands between them, shaking the ground like a powerful earthquake. The snowball kicks up the snow around it, creating a barrier between the two.

"Soos, get Pacifica to the shack and thaw her out! I'll handle Stay Puft." Dipper orders from one side of the barrier. Soos, without replying, nods, grabs the bench, and runs.

Dipper chucks a tiny snowball at the giant. "Yeah, how do you like that, huh?! Getting snow thrown at you!" Dipper throws another snowball at it, "I bet that's, like, really offensive to you specifically!"

"**ROOOOOAAARRR!**" The snowman charges Dipper with the noise of an unhinged T-Rex.

"_EEEEEEEEH!_" Dipper gives a high-pitched scream as he runs away. He gets to the spot where he met up with Mabel, Grenda, and Candy the day before near Shovel and Shoves. Dipper then notices something horrifying; the whole town has been infested with snowmen.

"Oh no, Mabel! Which one is Mabel?!" Dipper looks at all the different snowmen, some taller, some shorter. He scans for the one his height but comes up empty-handed.

As the monster is about to gain on Dipper, he makes a quick turn and heads for the inside of Shovel and Shoves. The automatic door slides open as he rolls through the entrance. The entire store is filled with different types of shovels and shove coupons. A snowman sits at the cash register.

"You think you're safe in there?!" The snowman monster yells. It rolls up the world's biggest snowball. Dipper begins to panic and looks for the solution. He notices an emergency exit on the side of the building. He starts running towards it when-

"HUAGH!" The monster chucks the snowball at the store, completely obliterating the entire building in one throw. The snowball even goes through the store behind before htting and stopping on the road. The snowman monster stomps forward and looks through the snow to find Dipper's remains.

Dipper, now hiding outside behind the store beside the lost Shovel and Shoves, quietly says to himself, "I need to find Mabel."

Dipper looks all over the town at the thirty of so snowman sprawled about at random, and then at the huge snowman monster digging through shovels. Dipper quickly rushes towards a snowman and slides behind it like a baseball player. He checks to see if the monster is looking, which it is not, and Dipper runs to the front of the snowman and pulls off the carrot nose. He looks in: Deputy Durland. Dipper looks at the smaller, fatter snowman standing beside him. "Blubs." Dipper talks to himself.

Dipper then hears the large snowman turning around, the snow inside it morphing and bending. Dipper drops the carrot and runs behind the next snowman a couple of feet away. The monster sees Durland's snowman without the carrot and growls, stomping over. Its huge size blocks out the sun from where Dipper is hiding.

The monster picks up the carrot. It puts it back on Durland's face and looks around the town, "I know you're still here, little ungrateful boy!" The snowman doesn't realize Dipper is only a few feet away.

It stomps off, looking for Dipper, giving Dipper time to check the snowman. He gasps, "Melody!"

Melody lays still inside the snowman. "Oh, how do I get you out?" Dipper tries to move the snowman. Nothing happens.

The monster swings around and looks back in Dipper's direction. Dipper quickly puts the carrot back in and hides behind her. The monster squints at Melody's snowman; the carrot flips down like a lightswitch.

"Hmmm?!" The monster waits for the carrot to drop. Dipper prays it doesn't.

The carrot stays still. The monster snowman shrugs and continues its search on the other side of the town.

Dipper wipes off the sweat on his brow and looks around, "If this is Melody, then Mabel must be… There!" Dipper sees a small snowman far-off in the distance. A huge, open, visible gap separates him and the snowman, one where the monster could easily see him.

He waits for the right moment. The monster hasn't completely turned around yet, "Come on, come on…"

The monster turns around. Dipper takes the moment to start sprinting across the gap and towards Mabel's snowman.

He makes it halfway when the monster starts turning back around to his direction.

"Shoot! SHOOT!" Dipper yells as the monster is about to see him. He's nowhere near making it to Mabel's snowman.

Just as he's about to be caught, the back of Dipper's feather coat is lifted in the air and he is swung to the side. Dipper falls into a ditch made out of snow near one of the stores, completely hidden. The monster turns and sees nothing.

"Shovel save!" Mabel silently cheers as she takes Sir Shovelot the Sequel out of the back of Dipper's coat. Dipper sits up, surprised and relieved.

"Mabel! You're not a snowman?!" Dipper asks.

"No, I'm too clever to get turned into one, remember? The smart one? BUM BUM!" Mabel jokes.

Dipper laughs, "But wait, then who was in that snowman I was running towards?"

"I don't know," Mabel wonders, "I think Gorney or something? Melody and I found those two silly cops and started talking to them about Pacifica when a huge snowman ran at us. It turned the three of them and then the rest of town into snowmen by touching them!"

"How did you get away then?"

"I saw the sucker coming and I hid, of course! For some reason, I was the only one to spot the 5 million-foot tall snowman running into town."

Dipper looks up from the ditch at all the different snowmen, "We need to figure out how to save Melody."

"And the rest of the town, but we can't move them. It's like they're bolted down or something." Mabel explains.

"You're right," Dipper says, "There's no way we can thaw out everyone. But, maybe… maybe we can thaw out the big guy."

"Ooh! Let's do it! Can I whack him with the shovel too?" Mabel asks.

"I mean, I guess." Dipper holds his hand out, "Come on, Sis. Let's bring back the summer."

* * *

Dipper and Mabel run behind the shops and up to the river without the monster seeing them. They work together to hop over the snow barrier and start running towards the shack.

Meanwhile, Soos runs to the entrance of the Mystery Shack where the snow has now completely covered the doorway in. In fact, the entire shack is halfway covered in snow. Soos rushes over and sees that the attic window is only a jump away from the snowy ground. He looks at the bench with Pacifica's snowman still clung onto it.

"Pacifica, I choose you!" Soos yells as he javelin throws the bench straight through the attic window. Glass flies everywhere into Dipper and Mabel's room. The bench and snowman are unaffected.

Soos attempts to do the same, but with himself. He takes a step back and then lunges for the window.

He misses it by a lot and smacks straight into the Mystery Shack's sign. He falls onto the roof of the porch, which collapses. Soos slides down the snow and slams into the front door, opening it. He faceplants onto the 'Welcome!' mat as snow avalanches on top of Soos and covers him completely.

"... Nailed it!" Soos's voice is muffled under the snow.

Dipper and Mabel arrive at the Mystery Shack to find a Soos-sized ramp leading straight to the front door. The two slide down into the entrance, "Soos! Pacifica!" Dipper calls out.

"Up here, dudes!" Soos yells from upstairs. The twins run to their room where they see a free, bundled-up Pacifica laying on Dipper's bed, wrapped in Mabel's oversized, fluffy blankets.

"How did you get her out of the snowman prison?" Mabel asks Soos as the twins run over to her side.

"I dug the majority of the insides out through the nose and started elbow dropping the shell until it cracked open." Soos points to the corner of the room where the snowman sitting on the bench looks like a cracked-open egg, "I may have elbow dropped her in the process, don't know." Soos explains.

Pacifica slowly opens her eyes, icicles on her eyelashes flicker in the light, "What? Dipper? Mabel? What happened?" She says softly.

"Long story short, you know Flakey the Snowman?"

Pacifica tilts her head at Mabel, "The song?"

"Yeah," Mabel nods, "Imagine him but he's actually Satan."

"... Oh." Pacifica pretends to understand.

"Speaking of which," Soos points out the broken attic window. Snowmen are standing in the woods outside the Mystery Shack, staring at the group. "We got customers, dudes."

Red eyes glow from the top of the trees as the monster marches towards the shack, the army of snowmen sliding beside him.

"The snowmen weren't bolted down, they were possessed!" Dipper then feels something grab his ankle. The cracked-open snowman has come to life.

"AAAHHH!" Pacifica yells as the snowman's stick arms wrap around Dipper's ankles.

"Get it off me! GET IT OFF ME!" Dipper yells as the cracked-head snowman starts to headbutt his legs. Mabel whips Sir Shovelot the Sequel in the air and swings it down repeatedly on the creature's body, crushing the hard shell.

"DIE! DIE!" Mabel takes deep breaths as the snowman stops moving and lets go of Dipper. Everyone stares at her as Mabel clutches the shovel and glares at the three, "WE TAKE THIS TO OUR GRAVES, NOW COME ON!"

Mabel waves for everyone to follow her downstairs. Soos trails behind her as Dipper helps Pacifica up. He throws one of her arms for his shoulder.

"You feeling ok?" Dipper asks.

"You scream like a girl when you're scared." Pacifica whispers.

"And you scream like a professional wrestler when you're angry, now come on!" Dipper leads Pacifica down the stairs.

* * *

Downstairs, a snowman attempts to slide down the ramp into the entranceway only to be clotheslined by the shovel Mabel is holding like a limbo stick. A group of snowmen fall in through the window by the door. Soos reaches below the cash register where a bunch of presents sits. "SECRET CHRISTMAS GIFTS, ATTACK!" Soos starts throwing the presents at the snowmen's faces. The presents don't do much, but they cause a minor annoyance to the snowmen.

Dipper makes it down the stairs with Pacifica as snowmen begin to break into the house every way possible, blocking the end of the stairs. Dipper turns around to see snowmen are upstairs too. They are trapped. "Uh, uh… Oh!" Dipper sees an opening, "Hold on!"

He quickly grabs Pacifica's back and legs and holds her close to his chest. Dipper jumps over the side of the guard railing and rolls once he hits the ground, protecting her. He lands on his bad the back of his bad hand. "AH! Bad hand! Bad hand!"

Dipper lowers Pacifica to her feet as he holds his hand in pain. The two then sprint towards the living room where they realize they are surrounded by snowmen. "What do we do?!" Pacifica yells. Mabel and Soos struggle with the snowmen by the entrance. Dipper looks back and forth for an answer.

The snowmen's stick arms turn into blades. They start swiping towards Dipper and Pacifica. "Ah, ah, oh no, no, no, no!" Dipper panics.

Without anywhere else to turn, Dipper grabs Pacifica and holds her against the wall, blocking the snowmen from hitting her. They start swiping at Dipper's back, cutting through his feather coat into his skin.

"DIPPER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Pacifica tries to move Dipper out of the way. One snowman swings its arm in the air, about to bring it down onto Dipper. "DIPPER, LOOK OUT!"

Pacifica pushes Dipper out of the way. The arm comes down, going straight towards her forehead.

"ENOUGH!" A booming, echoing voice comes from outside. The snowman's arm stops inches away from Pacifica's face. All the snowmen stop, turning back to normal.

A bowler hat slides down the ramp of snow at the front door. The ramp suddenly morphs into the monstrous snowman, its head coming close to the ceiling.

Pacifica looks at the snowman in awe and then down at Dipper on the floor. His back is badly scratched up. "Dipper! Why did you do that?!"

A dazed-out Dipper looks up at her and clumsily says, "To apologize."

"Well, don't apologize ever again!" Pacifica lifts him up.

Mabel and Soos charge the snowman, Mabel smacking it with the shovel and Soos punching it. The monster is unaffected, just looking down at the two.

"Really?" The monster says.

"THUMPETY THUMP THUMP THIS YOU BIG DUMB JERK!" Mabel yells.

The monster grabs Sir Shovelot the Sequel and pulls it out of Mabel's hands. It crushes the shovel in its palm.

"No, not Sir Shovelot the Sequel! He was a prequel!" Mabel yells mournfully.

"I'm just gonna…" The monster pokes Soos and Mabel on the top of their heads turning them into snowmen, "... _Yeeaaahh_…"

"Mabel! Soos!" Pacifica drops her blankets and marches over to the monster, "Ok, you ugly, fat lard of frozen sky piss, what do you want?!"

"Ugly? UGLY?!" The snowman roars, "I'm the most beautiful, biggest snowman IN THE UNIVERSE!"

"An eyesore is all that you are. Now, last time I'm gonna ask, what do you want?!" Pacifica orders.

The monster snowman doesn't pay attention to her, "But, I was not always this beautiful. Back when I was first created-"

"I didn't ask for your life story, pal!" Pacifica interrupts.

"SHUT UP, I'M MONOLOGUING, I'VE BEEN PRACTICING ALL DAY!"

"NOBODY CARES!" Pacifica yells back.

"LISTEN, OR I CRUSH THE SHOVEL GIRL!" The monster holds his hand over Mabel's snowman.

"Pacifica, just let it monologue, they always do this." Dipper says, now on a knee.

"FINE! Go ahead. Lord..." Pacifica waves the monster off.

The monster prepares his tale.

* * *

"Last Christmas, I was brought to life by a small child named Bobby Brown, but I wasn't the amazing, perfectly sculpted masterpiece that I am today. No, rather, Bobby wanted to make a snowman as soon as the snow first started falling, a time when the snow has not yet stuck to the ground."

Bobby Brown, a small, blonde 10-year-old from a house in Oregon, goes outside on a winter night with a big coat and backpack to see a thin layer of snow on the ground, a big smile going across his face. He starts rolling up three balls, though most of the snow falls off as he rolls. Bobby puts the balls together to form a tiny, foot tall, pathetic snowman with leaves and dirt sticking out.

"I was a dirtman, a snowman made before the snow has hit its prime."

Bobby pulls out a bowler hat from his backpack, "Oh boy!" Bobby Brown says to himself, "I hope this hat that the shady man from the convenient store gave me really does give inanimate objects a will to live!"

"Bobby placed the hat upon my head and, magically, I came to life." The monster explains.

The Dirtman starts shaking to life. It lets out a nasty screech, "_EEEEEEEHHHH!_" Before moving around like a slug across the grass. Bobby looks at Dirtman in awe.

"Yes, I did it! Now I actually have a friend!" Bobby Brown cheers. Dirtman sees Bobby hold his arms out for a hug. The tiny dirtman gives him a pitiful smile and slithers over to hug Bobby Brown.

But, before it can hug him, Bobby's mother walks out, "Bobby, it's time to come back in- HUAGH?!"

"Hi, Momma, look!" Bobby Brown shows his mom the disgusting, living creature covered in dirt and snow, "I broke the laws of nature and created life!"

"BOBBY, GET AWAY FROM THAT THING!" The mother rushes into the yard and grabs Bobby Brown.

She runs back inside, "Momma, no, wait!" Bobby yells as the mother slams the door. The Dirtman reaches out for Bobby but falls onto the ground, faceplanting.

"I knew why his mother rejected me. It was because I was ugly. Pathetic. I knew what must be done to regain that bond I had with Bobby Brown." The monster explains.

* * *

In the Mystery Shack, Pacifica is whispering something to Dipper, helping him up. The monster notices, "Hey! Are you two even listening?!"

"Uh, yeah? Something about being ugly and bonding with a small child." Pacifica replies.

"Ok, just making sure." The monster continues on, "After being rejected, I learned how a proper snowman was supposed to look like."

The small Dirtman looks at a Christmas flag decoration by the driveway of the house with a generic snowman on it. It rips it off the pole.

"I carved myself into that image, to fit in with what everyone expected a snowman to look like." As the snow around the house picks up, the Dirtman starts rolling itself in the snow, copying the snowman on the flag until it matched perfectly with the picture.

The Dirtman, now a generic snowman, looks into a frozen puddle by the house and practices what it is going to say, "Hey, Bobby," it says, "Notice anything different about me? Huh? HUH?... No, that's too obvious, uh… Happy Birthday! No, what? Why would I say that?"

"I decided to screw my courage to the freezing place and go up to Bobby Brown's window." The monster explains. The brand new snowman looks inside the house at Bobby Brown sleeping. It knocks on the window with its stick hands until Bobby wakes up.

Bobby looks over and sees the snowman by the window. It waves it stick at him. Bobby looks kind of scared. "Hello?"

"Bobby Brown, it's me, Dirtman!"

"Dirtman?" Bobby hops out of bed and over to the window, opening it, "Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me! I look different right? A good different." Dirtman asks.

"... Uh, I mean, sure, yeah? I guess." Bobby Brown says.

"... What does that mean?"

"Well, you kind of had the 'so cute, it's ugly' thing working for you before. Now you're just kind of… boring."

"But, Bobby," Dirtman tells him, "I've always looked like this. What you saw wasn't the real me. This is who I am!"

"I didn't care what you looked like, you were still my friend. Why would you change yourself?"

"I changed myself for you, BOBBY!" The snowman says loudly.

"... Mom?" Bobby calls out.

Dirtman starts panicking, "Bobby, wait for a second-"

"Bobby Brown, what's wrong- AH, OH NO! THE DEMON!" The mother drops her late-night coffee onto Bobby's carpet. She runs over and grabs her son, "**HUSBAND, CALL THE EXORCIST AGAIN!**"

"WHAT, NO, DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME AGAIN!" Dirtman crawls inside and, magically sprouting legs, runs over to the mom.

The mom turns and karate chops Dirtman, "GET AWAY FROM MY SON-"

Bobby falls out of his mother's arm. The mother turns into a snowman.

Dirtman and Bobby both look at the mom in shock, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MOM?!" Bobby screams in terror.

"I didn't… I didn't mean to-"

"MOM! No, no, no, no!" Bobby stands up and yells at Dirtman, "YOU MONSTER, GET OUT OF HERE!"

"Bobby, no, wait, please!"

Bobby spins around to try and run away. "Bobby, wait!" Dirtman grabs his arm.

In a flash, Bobby Brown turns into a snowman.

Dirtman stands in shock. "Bobby?" Dirtman touches the small snowman, unsure of what to do. "Bobby, Bobby?! No, no!" Dirtman yells.

"I realized then what I truly was." Dirtman begins to weep as it tries to fix Bobby back, "I was a monster. A horrible beast. An abomination. But then, I learned the second part of my curse."

Bobby Brown's little snowman slides towards Dirtman. The weeping Dirtman looks at him, confused. With a wave of Dirtman's arm sticks, Bobby and his mother moved as Dirtman pleased.

"Woah, why's there snowmen in here?!" Bobby's father walks out of the parent's bedroom.

Dirtman looks over to him. It shifts Bobby and his mother to face the father also.

"Woah, woah," The father holds out his shotgun, freaking out, "What it is?"

"I learned," The monster finishes, "How much of an abomination I really was."

Dirtman swings his stick forward like a checkered flag, "Get him."

Bobby and his mother, trapped in the snowmen, lunge at the father.

* * *

Pacifica and Dipper listen intently to the story. Dipper speaks up, "You do realize that they're not dead inside the snowmen, right? You could've figured out a way to get your kid out."

"That's the best part. If I never let him out, he'll never reject me again! Speaking of which…" A small snowman rolls up in front of Dirtman, "Meet Bobby. Bobby, meet your new friends."

"Ok, that's taking it a bit too far!" Pacifica looks freaked out.

"But, you of all people should know that I'm in the right here." Bobby Brown's snowman starts sliding towards Dipper and Pacifica, "I never wanted to be admired by the whole world. All I wanted his acceptance and all he did was reject me!"

"He liked you the way you were! It was everybody else who said you weren't good enough. You didn't need to make yourself look perfect for him to like you." Pacifica yells.

Dipper and Pacifica start backing up as Bobby Brown scoots closer and closer. The monster takes a step forward too, "I WAS UGLY! NO ONE WOULD LOVE ME IF I LOOKED LIKE THAT!"

"He would've!" Pacifica shoots back.

"WELL, WHY DON'T USE ASK HIM YOURSELF?!" Dirtman swings his arm forward, sending Bobby hurdling towards the kids.

"Look out!" Dipper pushes Pacifica out of the way and jumps to the other side, avoiding Bobby's blade arms.

"**RROOOOAAAAARRRR!**" Dirtman roars and runs over to the two.

"Don't let him touch you!" Dipper warns Pacifica.

"Dipper, get ready!" Pacifica yells back.

Dipper nods as Dirtman swings its fist down onto Dipper, who grabs a silver plate of cookies nearby and uses it as a shield. Bobby chases after Pacifica, trying to cut her in half with his razor-sharp stick arms.

* * *

Pacifica runs down the hallway, "Gotta crack it open, gotta crack it… Ah!" She quickly turns into the bathroom door, shutting it behind her. Bobby, with no fingers to open it with, starts slashing at the wood repeatedly.

* * *

Dipper holds the silver plate up, taking the hard blows until the plate starts bending; the silver is fake and is actually just plastic. The plate splits in half, leaving Dipper defenseless. Dirtman comes down with a powerful blow. Dipper hops out of the way. Dirtman's fist gets stuck in the Mystery Shack floor as Dipper runs straight for the furnace. Dirtman frees itself and charges Dipper, who swings open the furnace door.

Dirtman is caught off guard by the fire and backs away. It reaches for Dipper, who then turns up the fire using a lever to dangerous levels. It spits out of the end of the furnace's mouth, causing Dirtman to jump back.

"Afraid of fire, you Frankenstein freak?" Dipper heroically says. A piece of flame comes towards Dipper. It pokes at him, causing Dipper to screech really high and hop back.

* * *

"Come on, come on, make yourself mad, Pacifica." In the bathroom, Pacifica tries to think of what to do as Bobby makes progress slashing through the door. "What makes you mad? Allowance cuts, my parents, Not getting my 18th pony last Christmas…" Pacifica then looks at herself in the mirror.

She rubs the makeup off her cheek. Pacifica stares at the scar. She starts breathing heavily, making herself angry.

Bobby swipes open a small opening through the door and looks inside, and the snowman's lips move disturbingly to yell, "HAHS BLACHAVA!"

"**AAAAUUUGHHH!**" Pacifica, with all of her inner rage and that professional wrestler scream, kicks the bathroom door open. It sends Bobby flying to the floor, hitting him hard. Pacifica calms herself down and looks at Bobby.

"Hah! No killing me today, loser!" Pacifica points at the snowman, who is struggling to stand up.

"PACIFICA!" Dipper yells in panic.

"DIPPER! I'm coming!" Pacifica runs to the living room.

* * *

Dirtman crawls towards Dipper trying to touch him, even though it's snow body is melting in the flames. Dirtman yells, "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS-"

"Ugly says 'Wha?'" Pacifica jokes from behind Dirtman.

"WHA?!" Dirtman yells.

"Exactly!" Pacifica picks up the broomstick leaning by the wall and holds it like a jousting sword. "AAAAUUUGH!" Pacifica charges Dirtman. Its melting body has lost its hardness and is unable to stop Pacifica from plunging the broom into its stomach and up through the head into the hat.

"NOOOO!" Dirtman yells as Pacifica pushes the hat into the furnace. All the snow follows the hat in, burning and melting its snow off until the monster is only a small pile of grass and dirt.

Pacifica lets the hat back out and Dipper pulls the lever to calm the flames down, "Turn all of my friends back to normal or I finish the job!" She yells.

"You're no better than everyone else." The defeated Dirtman cries, "You made fun of your own dirtman, not accepting it for who it was. **YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!**"

Pacifica looks back and forth at Dipper, "... Dude, it's a pile of dirt outside." Pacifica says.

"**STILL.**"

"Alright, I'm throwing you back in-"

"NO! No, don't... Fine." Magically, all the snowmen in the Mystery Shack begin to thaw, and all of the residents of Gravity Falls are released from their three-balled prisons. The snow outside begins to melt quickly, leaving a large puddle to cover the grass outside with. The snow clouds glide away, giving room for the summer-like sun to shine in.

* * *

In the hallway, Bobby Brown wakes up, surrounded by cold water, "What? Where am I?"

"Bobby?" His mother yells by the cash register. She and his father run over to Bobby and hug him.

"Where are we?" Someone asks.

"Why are we in the Mystery Shack?" Someone else asks.

"Schmebulock?!"

Soos gets everyone's attention, "I'll tell you why you're here! Because you all blacked out and decided to stop by the Mystery Shack to check out our brand new Christmas merchandise, dudes!"

"And hot blankets!" Mabel holds up a hot blanket with a picture of the Grunch on it.

Everyone looks at each other and nods, "Yeah" "Alright" "I see no flaws in that reasoning!"

Bobby Brown and his parents join the crowd until Bobby looks in the living room, "... Dirtman?!"

Bobby runs over to Dirtman in shock. Dirtman turns away with shame, "Don't look at me! I'm hideous!"

"No, you're not! You're back to normal!" Bobby cheers. "You're my Dirtman."

"... Really?" Dirtman spirits rise.

"Ugh, this is so cheesy." Dipper whispers to Pacifica.

"I know, right? I want to vomit again." Pacifica says.

"Come here, Dirtman!" Bobby yells, holding his arms out for a hug.

"**HERE I GO!**" Dirtman yells.

Dipper and Pacifica realize the problem, "WAIT!" They say in unison.

Too late. Dirtman hugs Bobby Brown and turns him into a snowman again. Dipper and Pacifica look in pure terror.

"Oh! Whoops, sorry about that, forgot." Dirtman tells the two. It unthaws Bobby immediately.

Bobby looks at Dirtman and the two, "I've been frozen for an entire year. I think I have hypothermia! YAYYY!"

"Come on, let's go help Soos and everyone take care of these customers." Pacifica tells Dipper.

"Sounds good to me." Dipper replies. As the two start walking to the tour room, Dipper quickly says, "By the way, you look pretty today."

Pacifica tenses up at hearing him say that, but then plays it off, "Oh, I know, I don't need you to… Wait." She realizes her scar is no longer hidden under makeup. She touches it and freezes, "Uh, I-I need to go and do something-"

"No, wait, I, uh… I meant it that you look pretty right now..." Dipper struggles, "You… You know what I mean."

Pacifica thinks for a moment, then smiles, "Thanks, Dipper."

Dipper smiles, "You two, wait!" Dirtman cries out. The two turn to it, "Bobby, leave us alone for a second, will you?"

Bobby runs off and Dipper says, "Uh, what's up?"

"Do you happen to know anyone nicknamed Pinetree? Or Shooting Star? Or Six-Fingered Hand?!"

"... Uh, yeah, actually. An old enemy of mine nicknamed me 'Pinetree.' Why?" Dipper asks.

"Ah, now this all makes sense. You are the ones that defeated Bill Cipher months ago." Dirtman explains, "In that case, you are the ones that must know this: There's a reason I came to Gravity Falls. My plans got detoured once I saw your Dirtman outside- I was like, "What's the matter with you?" and all that junk- but originally I was on a mission, started by Bill Cipher himself."

"A mission?" Dipper looks concerned.

"Bill Cipher always had a backup plan for any outcome, even for the small, small chance he happened to be defeated. Bill hid a way to harness his powers somewhere in this town to finish what he started. I don't know if its an object, a riddle, or something more abstract, but I was trying to find it after the news of his demise. Be warned, creatures and powerful beings from all over the universe are on their way here at this very moment. I just got here a couple of days ago 'cause I needed snow to be intimidating."

"That doesn't sound good." Dipper says.

"No… No, it doesn't. Trust me, there's plenty of weirdness that lies outside of this town you have never heard of." The pile of dirt wearing a bowler hat says, "You must stop whoever wants to be the next Bill, as they will arrive soon." Dirtman tells them. Dipper and Pacifica look at each other, worried. They then ease up.

"I think we got it." Dipper says confidently.

"Ok, whatever you say, pal," Dirtman breaks out of the seriousness, "But I'm clocking out of this place immediately. Time to secretly go home with Bobby and not tell his parents!"

* * *

Later that night, the eve of Christmas Eve, Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica all chat in Pacifica's room over the pile of dirt's message. Dipper and Pacifica pace around the room as Mabel hangs upside down on the couch, "So, Bill left a Christmas present filled with his crazy powers?" Mabel asks.

"If the dirt was telling the truth, then yes." Dipper tells his sister.

Pacifica thinks hard, "It said that it was, like, an object, a riddle, or…"

"Something abstract?" Dipper finishes her sentence.

"Yeah, whatever that is." Pacifica says, "Ugh, I'm not gonna remember any of this. Here, write this all down."

Pacifica grabs a pink notebook from under her bed and tosses it to Dipper. "Oh, yeah, smart." Dipper lays down on the floor and flips the notebook open, writing down all he can remember from the warning. "While I'm at it, I'll write something about Dirtman too."

"Yeah, in case it ever comes back and tries to turn me into a popsicle again." Pacifica says.

"Ooh! Ooh! I wanna draw the big snowman thing! I have photo-good memory!" Mabel states.

"Photographic memory." Dipper corrects.

"Uh oh, the boring words train's coming into town. Watch out, Pacifica!" Mabel flips off the couch and lays beside Dipper on the floor, doodling a giant snowman on the opposite page of his writing.

Pacifica looks over the two's work. "Oh, that won't do."

"What? What's wrong with it?" Dipper asks.

Pacifica lays down beside him, "That handwriting is gross, and I'm the one who's gonna have to read it since you two are leaving. Gimme, I'm writing."

"Oh, yeah, right, we leave tomorrow. I kind of forgot." Dipper remembers.

"Well… I didn't." Pacifica admits as she slides the notebook over to her.

"... Maybe there's a way... we can stay in contact with each other?" Dipper throws it out there. "I mean, I don't have a phone, but I guess we can use Mabels and-"

Pacifica glares at Dipper and then stands up. She marches over to a drawer by her bed and pulls out a pink phone. She chucks it at Dipper. He flinches, causing it to hit his shoulder. "There, you have a phone. Get it working, put my number in, and text me as soon as you get home, got that?!"

Mabel giggles as Dipper flips the phone over to see Pacifica's phone number written on the back. "Pacifica, I can't just take your phone-"

"It's not my phone. I have sixteen extra phones. So, if you break it, I'll mail you another one, so there's no excuse to not talk to me. Understand?" Pacifica talks down to Dipper.

"... Yes, ma'am." Dipper's voice cracks.

"Good." Pacifica lays back down on the floor beside the twins and all three work on the pages of the notebook. Mabel suddenly stops and has a major realization.

"GUYS." Mabel stops both of them, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING RIGHT NOW?!"

"Laying on the floor doodling?" Dipper guesses.

"No! Well, yes, but no! Look, watch this!" Mabel flips to the cover of the notebook. She brings out a huge black marker.

"Don't sniff it, we talked about this." Dipper tells Mabel who was definitely about to sniff the heck out of it.

"Ok, ok, I won't!" Mabel says.

Mabel uses the marker to write a big '**4**' on the cover of the notebook.

Pacifica doesn't really get it, but Dipper's face lights up, "Woah! You're right Mabel! This is the beginning of our very own journal!"

"Oh, is that what that means?" Pacifica asks, "Great, now I'm wrapped in your dumb journal stuff."

"Well, seeing how it's gonna be YOUR journal, Pacifica, then it should be your hand that's on the cover." Dipper tells her.

Pacifica stares at the big '**4**,' "Wait, so you're not going to help me with all of this?" Pacifica asks him.

"What? Of course, I'm gonna help you, I live for this kind of stuff! You call me whenever you see anything remotely strange and I'll answer." Dipper says enthusiastically.

"And I'll text you a barrage of endless emojis!" Mabel adds.

"Well, then, if that's the case, then you two put your handprints on the front too. Not just me." Pacifica passive-aggressively slides the notebook back over to the twins. They both nod.

Dipper, Mabel, and Pacifica all use to the large marker to draw their hands around the '**4**.' Dipper looks at the two girls beside him. "I think this is the start of something great."

"You know what else is great?!" Mabel brings up, "We all get presents tomorrow! Sure, we have to leave, but we get to celebrate Christmas with everyone!"

Dipper nods, "Yep, I don't know how this could get any better-"

The three hear the front door being kicked open. A loud, gravelly voice echoes through the shack, "**KIDS! I HAVE AN ITCH ON MY BACK AND FORD WON'T SCRATCH IT FOR ME!**"

"Stan, they're all asleep! You're gonna wake up the whole neighborhood!" Ford yells back.

Dipper and Mabel look at each other, smiling big, "GRUNKLE STAN! GRUNKLE FORD!" They say to each other.

Mabel rushes out of the room. Dipper is about to join her, but then turns to Pacifica and grabs her hand, lifting her up. "Come on! Let's go!"

Dipper leads Pacifica out of the room and down the hallway. Pacifica is very aware that Dipper has not let go of her hand.

She does not let go of his hand either.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading! Please tell me what you thought about this story in a review, and if you liked it, leave a favorite and a follow! Happy Holidays!**


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